Which Comes First? Desire or Sex?May 21, 2018
The differences in desire between men and women can lead to putting a strain on a partnership as not only do men tend to prove their masculinity through an active sex life with satisfactory sexual performance whereas women often seek assurance of their female body to be desirous.
Sex therapists confirm that the female libido is commonly triggered by desire and arousal. As research found, when it comes to women, there is a distinction between spontaneous and responsive arousal for a woman to respond with sexual activity. And for most females, the desire comes for the arousal, which eventually leads to sex. Nevertheless, it can be, that a woman experiences arousal first and then desires as a response, which is said to be spontaneous, but this is quite seldom.
There is the tendency for women to respond to their partner’s arousal and immediately rush to sex not taking care of their own sexual desires. This is why it is often assumed that women have a low libido as they did not have the time to get aroused but only responded to their partner not knowing, that the feeling of being sexually desired will actually make them feel aroused and stimulated to be in the mood for further activity.
This observation can often be made in the first weeks of a new relationship when passion is still steamy and hot, as the woman will feel attractive and desired. According to studies, the majority of women who have responsive sexual desire will therefore not get aroused without a partner or other erotic stimuli such as erotic literature or porn to get them in the mood to engage in sexual activity. Most men, on the other hand, have a so-called sex drive, which interferes with the women’s desire to respond to arousal, they need more time to warm up, as men tend to rush things and are more goal orientated and focused to have sex.
This proves that for most women sex is a result of desire, not the cause. If given a playful and sensual foreplay that does not necessarily involve going straight for the genitals, most women will say they feel relaxed enough and cherished, valued to develop a desire that then leads to intimate sex as for most females there are three stages of sexual response such as desire, arousal and sex.
Slowing down and taking time to arouse the female partner can be a problem for men suffer from a sexual disorder such as premature ejaculation. There is the possibility that those men will not last long in bed due to their condition and sexual activity might become a relationship problem as the kissing and caressing are already enough for the man to get this aroused that he can’t control his orgasm. As sex improves the quality of life, boosts emotions and a person’s health, these problems should be communicated in a relationship for a better understanding of the other. Not only should the man suffering from such disorder practice a healthy lifestyle for overall health but look into the history of his condition.
A lot of times anxiety about bad sexual performance triggers the problem of early ejaculation. There is also the possibility to seek couple counselling or psychotherapy for the man only if the condition is caused by mental stress. Best of all is it to consult a professional about this sexual health problem, as there are early ejaculation solutions and treatments to overcome the condition in order to satisfy the man and the woman and help to continue a healthy relationship.